God is enough

I was asked to say a few words to my Bible Study group about what God had revealed to me throughout my tumor and surgery experience.  I started making a list, lets see, faith, self control, and contentment were the first things that came to mind.  

First, faith.  When I found out that I had a tumor I was just in amazement that God had chosen me for this journey.  I was scared but I also had faith.  I had to have faith, what else could I do?  My good friend Marj once mentioned to me that the tumor was a gift from God and oddly, even at the time, it made sense.  She gave me this scripture to hold on to:

It says in 2 Chronicles 20:15, 17:

This is what the Lord says, “Do not be afraid or discouraged by this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s…You will not even need to fight. Take your positions, stand still, and watch the Lord’s victory”

Second, self control.  If you know me at all then you know that I like to be in control of my situation in life.  This was not always so but over the course of my adult years it has become more and more prominent.  I like to plan and budget and know exactly how things are going to work out from a seemingly simple trip to the grocery store to life in general.  That control has required a little bit of adjustment because, really, with four kids there is only so much you can control in that department.  Lord knows I try though, ha ha.  Anyway, God knew that I needed to be broken of this because from the moment of my diagnosis I had no control over my health or what was going to happen in my future.  So He took care of my controlling behavior and replaced it with…FAITH.

Third, contentment.  The hardest part.  Ok, so my health was out of my control and I had faith that God would care for me in the way that suited Him, and now I needed to be OK with it.  While preparing for my surgery I found the greatest group of friends online that had all been treated or were about to be treated for their Acoustic Neuromas.  There were lots of questions, tons of answers, and massive amounts of support and prayers found there.  I knew the ins and outs of the outcome of surgery.  I learned that there could be lingering pain, remaining tumor, temporary or permanent facial weakness or paralysis, long-term instability, terribly loud tinnitis (ringing of the ear), spinal fluid leak, I could go on and on.  I had to go into surgery knowing that any of this could be my life when I came out.  It was frightening but I knew that God has a specific plan for me and all along I said that I wanted this illness, this situation, to work to His glory.  When I got out of surgery I was in ICU.  After my family left the room and it was night I lay in bed unable to sleep.  I talked to God.  All night.  I prayed over and over again for contentment in that moment, to be ok in that minute, and to be ok with whatever God had for me when the day came, and the next day, and the next day.  I had no idea what to expect and no control over the outcome, it was ALL GOD.  I knew it, and He knew it.  Weird as it may sound I was a little bit excited to see what God had for me and how He would use me.  

So, all in all what did I take away?  That I am not in control of my life, God is.  And I have faith that He is enough.  

As I was thinking about what I was going to say tonight a song got stuck in my head, you might know it.

Enough by Chris Tomlin

Chorus
All of You is more than enough for all of me,
for ev’ry thirst and ev’ry need.
You satisfy me with Your love,
and all I have in You is more than enough.

Verse 1
You’re my supply, my breath of life;
still more awesome than I know.
You’re my reward, worth living for;
still more awesome than I know.

Verse 2
You’re my sacrifice of greatest price;
still more awesome than I know.
You’re my coming King, You are ev’rything;
still more awesome than I know.

Bridge
More than all I want, more than all I need,
You are more than enough for me.
More than all I know, more than all I can,
You are more than enough.

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